Adopt Franz Ferdinand’s hit single “Take Me
Out” as the Diamondbacks’ starting rotation’s theme song.
With the new pool design (by the entertainingly named WE FIX
UGLY POOLS), add a new contest. Any
time the Diamondbacks give up a ‘pool shot’ homer, pick a fan of
the opposing team (when those fans can’t be found, always revert to a
Yankees fan) and allow two randomly chosen fans to toss the opposing
team’s fan into the pool, fully clothed (when it’s a Yankees fan,
weights on the ankles are optional).
In an effort to generate fan support, and keep costs down,
start a car pool program for the inevitable minor league callups. Anyone willing to drive the minor
leaguer from Tucson to Phoenix gets two free tickets to the minor
leaguer’s first game. If the
minor leaguer is coming from Double-A Tennessee, and can still find a ride, the
fan gets tickets to an entire home stand (no plane rides).
While Taco Bell has long given away a free taco for every
double digit run game, change things up a bit. For every pitching change the Diamondbacks
make, fans get the ‘The Pitching Change Chalupa”
deal, with discounted chalupas (limit 10 per game).
Any fan who can correctly identify
all the members of the Diamondbacks 40 man roster simply from pictures gets a
ball signed by each player, if you can identify all the signatures you win
tickets to the game.
In honor of all the switch hitters on the roster this season
(six of the 14 position players on the roster hit from both sides of the plate)
run a promotion for the ‘alternative lifestyle’ community, and
change the uniforms to a slightly tighter style of pants.
Since Spring Training has been so successful in Arizona,
prompting as many as three more teams to convert from the Florida market to
Arizona in the next three years, perhaps the Diamondbacks should have a
rotating home field, playing home stands at Tempe Diablo Stadium, the Peoria
Sports Complex, Scottsdale Stadium, Ho Ho Kam Park, as well as Bank One, and all the other parks in
the area. Another positive to this concept
is the fact that even if only 20,000 show up, for most of the stadiums, the
park will still ‘seem’ full.
Host a ‘fair weather fan night’ where regardless
of temperature, humidity, rain, tornados, sand storms, or forest fires season
ticket holders get to nominate a friend of theirs who was a ‘HUGE D’Backs fan’ in 2001 and now is a
Cubs/Giants/Mets/Red Sox/etc fan, and those fans are forced to sit in the park,
roof open, from first pitch to the inevitable extra inning finale. Suggested date: August 23rd.
To coincide with the newly anointed ‘G-Force’ of
Luis Gonzalez, Shawn Green, and Troy Glaus, put a roller coaster in the roof of
Bank One Ball Park. The best part of the roller coaster is
that the farther and faster the D’Backs fall
out of first place in the NL West, the farther and faster the roller coaster
Just win damn it.