So, let's say you tried out for a reality show. You made the cut, you
were chosen. You get the call and they say, "Okay, you leave the 8th
of December. We don't know when you'll be back."
So you get ready, pack, and as you're waiting for the limo to pick you up,
anxious about your impending millions, how you'll spend it, and you think,
"Well, maybe I'll buy my favorite team, the Diamondbacks."
After all, you look at the situation. Your boys dropped 111 games last
year, as of the 7th they've just offered Richie Sexson salary arbitration, and
you know he's not going to accept it. You're thinking, "Hey this
team's in debt, attendance is down, maybe after I collect my check for eating
the biggest insect on an island while hundreds of cameras film my attempt to
find a mate while simultaneously running a multimillion dollar company composed
of many homosexuals but at least one who's only pretending to be, then I can buy
So you got back today, in the morning.
Let's catch you up.
Your Double-A team is no longer deep in the heart of Texas, it's nestled in
the Smokie Mountains of Tennessee. Virtually every coaching position in
the organization has changed. Bob Brenly is back in baseball, working the
broadcast booth for the Chicago Cubs. The Arizona Cardinals beat the St. Louis Rams, and Josh McCown was making his second straight start
("Huh? Didn't he win like three straight before I left," yeah,
but that's for another web site).
You were right, Sexson laughed audibly at our arbitration offer and went to
Seattle. But we signed Troy Glaus, Russ Ortiz, Craig Counsell, and Royce Clayton to contracts totaling over $80 million dollars. You're thrown for
a loop here, what happened to cutting costs and going young? Is this team
being built to compete or...
That's you right after you started reading about the 'Big Deal.' Ten
players, (at least) three teams, and one dominant left handed starter leaving
the desert. Take a minute, let it sink in. Randy Johnson and Mike Koplove are leaving, Brad Penny, Shawn Green, and Yhency Brazoban are
coming. What is this? The Yankees are getting Johnson AND Kazuhisa Ishii?
Now you're thinking that the island wasn't so bad after all.
Yes, it's been a far busier December than we ever thought it would be.
There's been high moments and there are sure to be disappointing moments, but
one thing is for sure, it's been a wild ride. Worried? Don't be,
this team, even with the Johnson trade, will be better than it was last year,
though I'm not sure it could be worse, and this team, in a depleted NL West
(look at those reports again, the Dodgers lose Penny, Ishii, and Green, after
already losing Beltre, that's less pitching and less hitting, usually that
equals less wins) can still compete.
Besides, if you're back this quickly, you didn't win the money anyway, just
sit back and enjoy your 15 minutes of fame. Your time on the island might
get you some decent tickets.